I’m Not Raising “Nice” kids

My daughter came into the world 11 years ago with a fiery, tenacious, brave, loud, independent and determined (stubborn) little spirit. She is full of spunk, sass, tenacity & passion; she is full of love and so full of life!

She is always her fierce little badass self!

This girl knows who she is, what she likes and what she needs and she is able to speak her mind and express her emotions in a way that I never felt I was allowed to. She isn’t afraid to tell someone if they are making her uncomfortable or crossing her boundaries - something I didn’t even know was an option. If she is sad, she will cry and ask to be comforted. If she is angry, she . . . well, she is still learning how to process this emotion. But, I am certainly not stifling her anger nor am I shaming her for having this healthy and crucial emotion in any way! 

Emotions were something that I always stuffed and never really knew what to do with.

She will let you know if she wants to spend time with you and she will let you know when she wants to be alone. 

Is she respectful? - Absolutely! Her coaches and teachers are constantly commenting on her respectfulness. She is grateful and very hard working.

Yet, if someone has betrayed her trust she will follow her intuition and set and maintain appropriate boundaries.

Is she kind? - she is one of the most empathetic and compassionate humans I know and yet, she is able to have compassion for someone and hold space for them while also taking care of herself and not sacrifice her needs or her wellbeing.

I never want my daughter to be told she is a ‘nice girl’ or ‘agreeable’.

I never want her to feel like she has to shrink or silence herself to make others feel comfortable.

I never want her to abandon herself just to make someone else happy. 

I want her to always love herself enough to be able to live her most authentic truth.

If she is to maintain the connection to her authenticity she must be able to feel all her emotions and express and have her feelings validated - every single one of them (even the really big tween ones)!!!

I want her to know and trust her intuition and if I ask her to override it by speaking or behaving incongruently to what she is really feeling inside then she will become disconnected from her own inner wisdom.

If I ask her to violate her boundaries now, in order to appease a relative, then I am teaching her that her boundaries are negotiable and circumstantial. 

So, as her mother, I never strive to raise a “nice” girl. . .

My wish for my daughter is that she continues to live from her soul and remains convicted in who she truly is at her core. A wise, intuitive, emotional, tenacious being overflowing with love for herself and a deep, passionate love for life. My hope is that she NEVER allows this world to dim her light!

Let’s not teach our daughters to be beautiful. Let’s teach them to be BOLD. Be SILLY. Be STRONG. Be CONFIDENT. Be INDEPENDENT and INTELLIGENT. Be BRAVE and be FIERCE. Be REAL in a world full of fake.